5 Ridiculously Awesome Items You’ll Secretly Want to Hoard
Mainstream treasures are for the peasants.
Real goblin collectors chase rare, elite artifacts — the stuff whispered about in secret shopping circles, reviewed thousands of times, and hoarded by those who know.
Today’s list?
Expensive. Legendary. And just off-the-beaten-path enough to make your hoard way cooler than the average dungeon.
Ooni Karu 16 Multi-Fuel Pizza Oven
Price: ~$800
Reviews: 13,000+ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Move aside, peasant grills — the Ooni Karu 16 is here to dominate your backyard feasts.
Wood-fired, charcoal, or gas — this absolute monster lets you forge restaurant-level Neapolitan pizzas in under 90 seconds.
Built like a dwarven forge, it cranks up to 950°F and brings medieval cooking magic into your lair.
Why it’s awesome:
Multi-fuel capability (wood, charcoal, gas)
16” stone baking board for giant pies
Reaches 950°F in 15 minutes
Cook pizzas, steaks, even dragon flank (allegedly)
Theragun PRO Plus Percussion Massager
Price: ~$500
Reviews: 11,000+ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Battle weary?
The Theragun PRO Plus isn’t just another massager — it’s a recovery weapon forged for elite athletes, warriors, and post-feast goblins everywhere.
Deep-tissue, percussive therapy that burrows into your muscles like a feral treasure hunter. Adjustable arm angles. Bluetooth app controls. Heating + vibration for next-level muscle obliteration.
Why it’s awesome:
QuietForce technology (super quiet but powerful)
6 attachments + custom routines
Heating element + vibration therapy modes
Used by professional sports teams (and sneaky goblins)
Sony A7 IV Full-Frame Mirrorless Camera
Price: ~$2,498
Reviews: 12,000+ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
The Sony A7 IV isn’t just a camera. It’s a soul-capturing machine disguised in magnesium armor.
Beloved by photographers, vloggers, and adventurers alike, it boasts a monstrous 33MP full-frame sensor, 4K 60fps video, eye-tracking autofocus that borders on sorcery, and a body so rugged it laughs in the face of goblin quests through storms and ruins.
Why it’s awesome:
33MP full-frame sensor for absurd detail
Insane autofocus that tracks eyes and faces like a hungry dragon
Gorgeous 4K cinematic video quality
Sony’s ecosystem: legendary lenses and accessories
Bowers & Wilkins PX8 Wireless Noise Cancelling Headphones
Price: ~$500
Reviews: 10,500+ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Audiophile goblins, rejoice:
The PX8 headphones deliver diamond-grade sound (literally — the drivers are diamond-coated) for travelers, raiders, and dungeon schemers who demand sonic perfection.
Premium Nappa leather, carbon fiber arms, and noise-canceling tech so strong it could silence a banshee’s scream.
Why it’s awesome:
Diamond drivers = ultra-crisp, gorgeous sound
Real Nappa leather earcups
30+ hours battery life (raid all night, hoard all day)
Industry-leading noise canceling without sounding artificial
Breville Oracle Touch Espresso Machine
Price: ~$2,800
Reviews: 15,000+ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Goblins need caffeine. Goblins deserve luxury.
The Breville Oracle Touch is an automatic espresso sorcerer disguised as a kitchen appliance. It grinds, doses, tamps, brews, AND froths like a professional barista — all at the touch of a finger.
Perfect lattes, flat whites, cappuccinos — no soul-selling necessary.
Why it’s awesome:
Touchscreen menu: pick your potion, watch it brew
Built-in burr grinder for ultra-fresh espresso
Precise temperature control (key to unlocking coffee magic)
Seriously cuts down on dark, expensive café visits
⚡ Final Loot Check
Not all expensive treasures are mainstream.
The true power lies in finding those rare, revered, still-secret pieces of gear that make even other goblin hoarders jealous.
Which one would you claim first for your lair?
(Or would you — chaotic neutral style — take them all?)